Saturday 31 December 2011

*Guest post*



Right Mr Fold up picture box thing, I've had it up to here with you stealing my spot on the warm soft lap, bugger off.  I'm warning you, the human is tiring of me on her bony shins, and when she starts shoving me off your days are numbered.
She's asleep now, I must have tired her out playing on the stairs.  It was about time though, seriously, I was starting to think her arse was glued to the sofa.  She was pretending to steal my sock so naturally I had to go after it and get it back.  Cheek.  Imagine taking my sock.

the capture of my sock on a string, please stop looking at the 70's carpet and walls, I'm much prettier.


Okay so if my walnut sized (but infinitely superior) brain understands this right, this is where I get to say stuff and humans listen, no?    Well here goes.

I've had some great fun this year, lots of cuddles, many warm spots including a new warm entire floor which I love.  Dont get me wrong, I kinda miss that extra super large waterbowl, it was so much fun to go fish in and jump in.  This new shallow large water dish is okay for a bit of a splash but I cant say I like this superfreaky "inside rain".  I've got some great toys, and occaisionally that male human turns up and he seems up for a game of chase the sock quite a lot.  I'm not quite so impressed with him stealing my half of the bed, but at least this year I've figured out that if I smell that whiffy smell on him when he comes home late at night and he's walking and talking a bit funny that means he'll sleep through anything so I get my spot back.

Female human has developed a new habit of pointing a flashing wee box at me all the time, and frankly I could do without that, but it seems to make her happy...Oh and whats the deal with all my blankies disappearing?  She keeps making me really soft cosy blankies and next thing I know they've gone.  There should be piles of them.  God knows she spends enough time on them, its like she's got cat blankies on the brain.  So why do I always have to sneak my way onto them?  They should be spread out in all my favourite places, not just that cupboard and the sofa.

What else?  Oh yeah.  Catnip.  Catnip is for life and not just for Chirstmas.  And will someone please tell my female human that kittie dental biscuits and anti hairball biscuits may taste reasonably acceptable, but  they are NOT TREATS.  And I dont know what this word "obese" means but nothing and I mean NOTHING is a good enough reason to deprive me from the super tasty jelly pouches.  And please if you expect me to eat the actual "fish" and "meat" bits you've got to be having a laugh, you know they're just eyelids, arseholes and ash, its only the jelly I want... I lick those bits dry for a reason you know.

I think she was doing something on this with lots of pretty little pictures of all my missing blankies, but I was trying to get a closer look and find out what they're doing in this stupid boxy thing, and now they've gone. Not that I care really, when she wakes up she can do something more interesting instead.  Like give me a brush.  Or feed me.  Or give me more catnip and put that heater on. 
Judging by that snorty noise I think she's coming round and she'll no doubt be wanting a cuddle.  I've got a busy life you know.     Oh and before I go, I think she wanted to say "happy new year" or something like that.  I hope she has a happier year too cos you know what us cats say - happy human easy ride....  Anyway, roll on baby bird season!  Bye for now!
Elwood (or Elliecat as my humans call me)

33 comments:

  1. Happy New Year Elliecat, I hope you get the human female better trained in the new year.

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  2. Fab post Elliecat - happy new year to you and yours!

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  3. Happy New Year Elliecat, now bog off and bring back the blanket-maker, I want to tell her to have a wonderful 2012 and I can't wait to meet her!

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  4. Lol Elliecat, I always knew cats were much cleverer than they look! Tell herself that I really hope I get to meet her in June and happy new year!

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  5. Lol Elliecat you're too funny, tell your blankie maker Happy New Year from me too!

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  6. Oh man, stealing your sock? That really is the limit, and as for the blanket stealing, well, we bears here entirely sympathise. Our human often makes us new friends and they disappear! She's smuggled out a few of them blankie things too...

    Happy new year

    The Clan and Jack

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  7. Happy New Year Elliecat and your lovely Human too x

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  8. Happy New Year Ellie cat and to your Housekeeper too. I'm housekeeper to Fizz who also wishes you a Happy New Year..she's off licking jelly too...

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  9. Why Elliecat, you write just as eloquently as your human! Wish her happy new year from me! Jxo

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  10. Elliecat, you are too clever for your own good. Go find your sock while I tell that human female to have a brilliant 2012 and that I am so glad she is my bloggy friend - soon to be my real life face to face friend! Woohoo!

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  11. lol :) What a clever cat you are! Pass on a very happy new year to your human friend :)

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  12. Happy New Year Elliecat and your lovely Human!
    Love your post, Elliecat. Had me in giggles.

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  13. Nice to hear from you Elliecat, maybe you can take charge of Mr. Fold up picture box more often! Have a lovely new years.

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  14. Ms Elliecat. I need words with you.
    Here am I, a mere Human Bean, quietly snuggled in my bed reading my picture-box thingy, snuggled with my blankies, my Carers (aka Cloudpoo & Plinkiplops) my cuppa tea & my bedtime-treats-in-the-form-of-a-tin-of-Quality-Street. Happiness personified.
    Now, Here am I, in total disarray!
    You made me laugh so much I snorted tea up my nose, the sweetie tin has fallen on the floor, the carers have buggered off & I Nearly Had a Little Accident (nearly mind).......dearie me Ms Elliecat I need forewarning next time you make a guest appearance eh?!
    PS
    Do tell your Bean a Happy New Year from me T x

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  15. Elliecat I am so glad your Humans have taken good care of you. They certainly are special! Female Human makes me ever so happy. I am glad she continues to blog and make those cat blankies - she is one talented lady. (not that I don't enjoy your blogging as well)

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  16. oh Ellicat, what can I say, you clearly are deprived, now bugger off, give the picture boxy thing back so I can tell that lovely human of yours how wonderful she is, and that I really hope she has a very Happy New Year! And - see you in June!

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  17. From our fourlegs to yours, happy new year! And when your twolegs has a chance to get to the laptop again, a happy new year to her too!

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  18. Hey Els, get back to your sock please! Or even the cupboard full of cat blankies - unless you've already taken refuge there from these unseasonal fireworks!
    Wishing Sarah (and cat) a very Happy Hogmanay and hope that 2012 brings you health and happiness xxx

    ***I've decided that June is not happening this year!!***

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  19. I've always thought your human was rather warped! and your version of what goes on in that odd part of the world with no trees proves it! I keep meaning to ask you what you scratch your claws on and where do the squirrels go, and what do the birds sit on? I find that very puzzling! Right, I got a bag of new catnip for Christmas and I'm telling ya, it's good shit! so I'm gonna go roll around in that for a bit and get high. Have a great New Year ... like you though I'm not going to do much until those birdy snacks are ready!

    Ciao

    Maggiecat x

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  20. Ellicat, I love you. You are clearly superior to your human and I to mine. I mean, I go for a little three day camping trip and she looses it. Once we grow thumbs, I say we bust out and meet up somewhere filled with sunbeams, twitching strings and jelly pouches. You with me?
    Clarkson

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  21. Hi Elliecat, Liska here. I supposed you're pretty cute considering you're a cat. I don't quite get the playing with a sock on a string thing though. What's all that about? I still think we could be mates. I'm pretty well "cat trained" provided you don't run away!
    Love to your mum and hope you both have a lovely 2012
    xxx

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  22. Elliecat you're a genius! Your human makes the most beautiful cat blankets and has one of the coolest carpets I've ever seen :)
    Happy 2012!

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  23. Happy new year to you and your humans - just you let them know exactly what food you like. Its me, Charlie cat, here....and my humans don't want me to eat the very tasty food they feed Lily that little upstart of a kitten I have to live with. But I'm much cleverer than them and have ways and means of stealing it. Also I feel for you over your carpet - I have to put up with a dreadful green floral one which completely spoils pictures of me.

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  24. Thank you for the giggle Elliecat. I'm sure Itchy and Scratchy feel the same way, especially about the jelly on the cat food! All the best for 2012!!!

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  25. Elliecat I brought a mouse present home for my pet but she hasn't played with it and just let it run off in the house!

    I don't think she appreciated it at all! Don't think I'll bother next year!

    Sounds like you have a much better set up where you are!

    Saffy

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  26. Oh Elliecat, I think you have been snaking a peak at the fold up picture thing - you have been picking up tips from Archie. YOu tell your huan you want a regular guest spot.x

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  27. Oh you are brilliant Elliecat, but then I knew you would be...can you wish your human female a very very happy 2012 from the other end of the country? Thanks, will remember a decent treat for you when I get to meet her xxx

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  28. hahaha that cracked me up. Hope you and the humans have a fab new year

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  29. Miss Elwood, I think we could be the best of friends. We look kind of similar, and I too am fond of a bit of the old 'nip. I don't get the foldy picture box either, so I usually just sit on the bit with the letters on, its the warmest part and if I happen to trap mama's hands between me and it, well, winner! Happy "mew" year! Love Lunacat x

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  30. Love hearing whats on your mind Miss Ellie! Happy New Year!

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  31. Dear Elliecat,
    Lovely post, you write surprisingly well for a feline...you could almost pass for a canine if it wasn't for your obsession with catnip. It's interesting to learn that you're allowed to sleep on those blanket things our humans seem to be obsessed by - I'm not permitted anywhere near them but I shall try harder in 2012 as I feel it's my destiny to cover the dark one she has in my lovely white hair. I know what you mean about the flashy box...it's tiresome but if you let them get one decent photo at the start then they keep at it whereas if you don't stay still for the first one they tend to give up. Or get the biscuits out. I'm not complaining either way. And jelly pouches for tea? That's it, I'm putting in an official complaint. All I get is dried tiny pieces of something called Chappie, and I have to have this disgusting stuff squirted in my mouth before I get that. And I know that Poppy's owner sent sausage treats and I haven't been allowed to eat them...I wonder if the RSPCA would be interested in taking on my case? Still, mustn't complain, I've got a bed in almost every room and I get plenty of fuss and walks. More biscuits would be nice though. Oh, and a little New Year tip for you - they don't like it when you press that funny shaped thing on the floor under the table, especially if their fingers are near that small sharp thing that goes up and down through that soft stuff they use for the blankets...they tend to shout and jump if you do that.
    Happy New Year to you, Elliecat and your human, I hope that 2012 is the year you manage to get her fully trained - mine is almost there but it's taken over ten years...she's a slow learner. 'Special' I believe it's called.
    Yours sincerely,
    Archie the wonder dog

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