Right Mr Fold up picture box thing, I've had it up to here with you stealing my spot on the warm soft lap, bugger off. I'm warning you, the human is tiring of me on her bony shins, and when she starts shoving me off your days are numbered.
She's asleep now, I must have tired her out playing on the stairs. It was about time though, seriously, I was starting to think her arse was glued to the sofa. She was pretending to steal my sock so naturally I had to go after it and get it back. Cheek. Imagine taking my sock.
|the capture of my sock on a string, please stop looking at the 70's carpet and walls, I'm much prettier.|
Okay so if my walnut sized (but infinitely superior) brain understands this right, this is where I get to say stuff and humans listen, no? Well here goes.
I've had some great fun this year, lots of cuddles, many warm spots including a new warm entire floor which I love. Dont get me wrong, I kinda miss that extra super large waterbowl, it was so much fun to go fish in and jump in. This new shallow large water dish is okay for a bit of a splash but I cant say I like this superfreaky "inside rain". I've got some great toys, and occaisionally that male human turns up and he seems up for a game of chase the sock quite a lot. I'm not quite so impressed with him stealing my half of the bed, but at least this year I've figured out that if I smell that whiffy smell on him when he comes home late at night and he's walking and talking a bit funny that means he'll sleep through anything so I get my spot back.
Female human has developed a new habit of pointing a flashing wee box at me all the time, and frankly I could do without that, but it seems to make her happy...Oh and whats the deal with all my blankies disappearing? She keeps making me really soft cosy blankies and next thing I know they've gone. There should be piles of them. God knows she spends enough time on them, its like she's got cat blankies on the brain. So why do I always have to sneak my way onto them? They should be spread out in all my favourite places, not just that cupboard and the sofa.
What else? Oh yeah. Catnip. Catnip is for life and not just for Chirstmas. And will someone please tell my female human that kittie dental biscuits and anti hairball biscuits may taste reasonably acceptable, but they are NOT TREATS. And I dont know what this word "obese" means but nothing and I mean NOTHING is a good enough reason to deprive me from the super tasty jelly pouches. And please if you expect me to eat the actual "fish" and "meat" bits you've got to be having a laugh, you know they're just eyelids, arseholes and ash, its only the jelly I want... I lick those bits dry for a reason you know.
I think she was doing something on this with lots of pretty little pictures of all my missing blankies, but I was trying to get a closer look and find out what they're doing in this stupid boxy thing, and now they've gone. Not that I care really, when she wakes up she can do something more interesting instead. Like give me a brush. Or feed me. Or give me more catnip and put that heater on.
Judging by that snorty noise I think she's coming round and she'll no doubt be wanting a cuddle. I've got a busy life you know. Oh and before I go, I think she wanted to say "happy new year" or something like that. I hope she has a happier year too cos you know what us cats say - happy human easy ride.... Anyway, roll on baby bird season! Bye for now!
Elwood (or Elliecat as my humans call me)